Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
