there's paper in my vomit.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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