A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize