Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
