Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
