Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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