What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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