: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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