you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
