He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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