I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Randomize
