It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize