he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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