I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
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