he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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