That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
