You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
