we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
