its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize