you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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