Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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