I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
