Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Who died my cat blue again?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
