I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize