But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We left the knife in your bed.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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