I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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