Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
