Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize