I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
