Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
