They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
