and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
