K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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