I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
