They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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