dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
