Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
