well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
i need some magic done to my vagina
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
