Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
These tits shall not be calmed
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
