all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
