Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
