You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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