The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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