i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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