If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
