a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
