omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize