So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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