We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize