Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
