Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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