He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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