kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize