so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
