shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize