she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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