I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
