no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
no you cant smoke seaweed
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
