i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Someone came in the potted fern
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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