Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
