if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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