i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
