I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
