so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
