i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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