His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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