If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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