Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
