if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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