So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize