i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
