is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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