I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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