i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
