I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
