It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
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