my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
