theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
FUCK WHALES
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