I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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