we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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