Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
