He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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