i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My ass is underappreciated
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
