he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
