I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
