so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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