I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
