Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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