It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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