omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
