i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
