I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize