we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
