happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Randomize
