The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I am one with the molecules
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
