Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The dick lei will go down in squad history
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
