I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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