he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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