Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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