Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize