All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
