Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize