She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
