i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
