My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
